Woot
by Good Ninja
Summary: A tentacle demon applies his fantasies to paper and is forced to rewrite his works until they're actual fiction of his own making and not perverted Mary Sues.


A darkened room. The only light sources came from a flashlight set beside a desk, beaming up to the ceiling and casting the person typing away, and the screen of the computer upon which they were typing, covering the shadow of the figure in a blue glow. Tendrils of shadows moved like lightning all over the keyboard, faster then should be humanly possible.

The flashlight went out. The figure sighed, and after a few seconds, a light bulb turned on, bathing the room in a dim light that focused mostly on the desk in the center of the room.. And the monster sitting before it.

A single, huge eyeball with a lovely blue pupil was the "Head"; a line of green tendril-tentacles formed a stalk that acted like the stem of its body. They diverged from the "trunk" near the floor, forming a mass of tentacles upon which it rested. The shadows on the keyboard were it's tendril tips, far more numerous then fingers. The eye was focused, a great eyelid coming out from the base of the tentacles that "held" the eye and giving it an intense look. The chair it would be sitting on was instead set beside it.

With the new light, a large shrine looming in the shadows before the desk could be seen to some degree. A female figurine of some sort with a copper shine, a broom resting against it. Every so often the great eye would rise and look up at the shrine, and somehow grin.

It typed away with a sort of feverish glee, even emitting a happy humming sound from its form. Words appeared upon the screen at a steady pace. Though he typed at an incredible speed, his ideas apparently flowed only as fast as a normal human- he would paused every now and then and stroke the underside of his eye with a tendril, then raise the tendril in the air in the same manner a human raises a finger to go "Aha!" and continued typing.

Out of the gloom a sudden door opened, casting a great deal of light into the room, glaring upon the screen. "Woot? You in here?" The figure peered in curiously. A gloved hand preceded a long black trench coated figure wearing a ninja suit and shades, covering just about their entire body.

The creature raised a tendril as if to shield itself from the light. Said light also completely lit up the shrine.. Which was to Britney Spears. Pictures were pinned to a wall; small frames, figurines and miscellaneous surrounded a copper statue figurine of Britney Spears in a Greek-like pose.  
"Hey! I thought I said I wanted to be alone!" Woot said. One of the tendrils had risen up and shown itself to be a mouth which talked for him as the eye glared.  
"Pfft." The ninja walked in and hit a light switch. The light bulb flickered out; the room was suddenly lit up by translucent rods upon the ceiling. "You're writing your Britney Spears fan fiction again, aren't you?"  
"No!" Woot immediately said, furrowing his eyelid.  
"Yes, you are."  
"No, I'm not! Honestly!"  
"Woot, I can see your screen from here and I can see Britney Spears fan fiction all over it."  
Woot cringed and blushed terrible- well, his eyelid darkened in much the manner a blush would, looking back at his screen. "Not really! It's kind of a cross-over this time…"  
"You're joking." The ninja chuckled and walked over, pulling the seat up and sitting upon it, straddling it backwards and facing the screen, resting his arms on the back of the chair. "Show me and I might let you keep this room to yourself. I was planning on using this room for a party."  
"Er, are you sure?" Woot hesitated. "It's not exactly ..er.."  
"Oh, shush and just let me read." The ninja remarked, settling in.  
Woot finally gave in and sighed, moving aside and shifting his screen so the ninja could see. The ninja shifted his glasses down his nose, revealing golden-brown eyes. "Before you read…" Woot's mouth began, "Britney hooked up with Buffy the Vampire slayer, and they got Willow to make Britney a slayer, and they form a total threesome, and everything's all cool, and they battle new monsters at the other hell mouth, and then Britney saved the world from an evil Angel , but then it turns out it was all part of a plan and Britney fell into a trap meant for Buffy, saving the world but like totally sending her into a different dimension.."  
"….You've never heard of Mary Sue OR run-on sentences, have you?"  
Woot paused. "…who's Mary Sue? Should I put her in?"  
"..Never mind." The ninja laughed. "So what's the crossover with?"  
"Well… Teen Titans." Woot muttered.  
"You never fail to amaze and amuse, Woot."  
"Hey! You forgot astound."  
"That means the same as…" The ninja laughed. "Never mind it, Woot! Show me the story."  
"Well.. You see.. That is.. She.. Er… with Starfire.." Woot tentatively tapped two tendril tips together as a human might touch fingers together.

"And not Raven? At least you left the good one."

"Shut up already and read it." Woot muttered angrily. Thus silenced, the two turned to the screen..

_"Oh, Baby, do it again.." Starfire whispered, her lithe and soft pale skin meshing together perfectly with the beautiful goddess pressed against her with golden hair and cover-girl looks, writhing and-  
_  
"That's porn, Woot. "  
"…." Woot wordlessly selected and deleted an entire section of the story, his eyelids burning with blood from blushing. He began to type anew.

_"Oh, Baby, kiss me again..." Starfire whispered, her soft pale lips meshing together perfectly with the beautiful goddess pressed against her with golden hair and cover-girl looks, kissing and sucking upon each others soft flesh.  
"We should do this more often.." murmured the Slayer Britney between breaths and kisses. "I'll make you believe we're more then just friends.."  
_  
"That's soft-core porn, Woot. Do I need to fetch a stick of some sort?"  
"Oh, shut up and let me make my fantasies in peace, you stupid ninja bastard."

"May I remind you who the server administrator is for this place? I can always just cut the power off, unless you amuse me enough." The ninja chuckled.

Woot glared at him. "Fine!" He deleted the scene again and wiggled his tendrils over the keyboard.  
"Uh, Woot?"  
"What?"  
"You don't even have an intro. You just skipped to the part with her and the sex, didn't you?"  
Woot stared.  
"Give me an intro, Woot. How does she get there, what is their reaction, why would Starfire be even remotely interested in her?" Woot muttered angrily and began typing again.

_Britney stood up slowly, her clothes torn or burned from the vortex of swirling energies she had just been thrown through. With her slayer abilities she had minimized damage from landing upon the top of the tower which she now stood upon. However, the sound had drawn the attention of the inhabitants of the tower.._

_"Oh baby…" Starfire whispered, staring at the woman, no, goddess before her, with golden hair cascading down to her shoulders and cover-girl looks. She blushed furiously when she realized she had spoken aloud and coughed to cover it up, very poorly. _

"Woot."  
"What?"  
"Cut it out."  
"….Fine. Damn you."

_Britney stood up slowly, her clothes slightly burned from the vortex of swirling energies she had just been thrown through. With her slayer abilities she had minimized damage from landing upon the top of the tower which she now stood upon. However, the sound had drawn the attention of the inhabitants of the tower, and one by one they landed before her.  
She raised her hands and smiled her winning smile that could warm the hearts of anyone who saw it and fill those hearts with joy and love and.._

Woot paused as he writ the words, feeling the Ninja's stare on the back of his eyeball, and promptly backspaced.

_She raised her hands and smiled at the five. A cyborg, a kid in a Robin suit, a green kid, a girl with a black cloak and mysterious looks, and.. A soft, gentle girl with red, long hair, wearing a super heroine suit as well. The girl smiled back and waved.   
"Starfire!" snapped the Robin. She pouted and moved her hand back down. The Robin held out a rod at Britney. "Who are you and how did you get here?"  
Britney paused for a moment, and struck a pose. "I'm Britney Spears, world phenomenon and Vampire Slayer!"  
The five promptly gaped. "Wow, Britney Spears!" murmured among them._

"Woot." The ninja warned dangerously.  
"Shut up."

Britney paused for a moment, and made a fist. "I'm Britney Spears, Vampire Slayer! I was sent here by a vortex of magical energies threatening to devour the world itself." She scoffed and gestured at herself. "Do I look like a threat, anyways? Don't point that at me." She glared at Robin.

Robin turned his pole vertical and set it on the ground.  
"Don't trust her, Robin! We don't know where she came from or if she's telling the truth." Cyborg said, glaring at Britney.  
"Yeah, we don't know where she's been." Beast boy said.  
"I do." Raven said, raising a pale finger and pointing at the air above Britney. "Vortex energy residue, and it's all over her. She definitely came out of it."  
"That's what I said," Britney put her hands on her hips. "I'm not carrying any weapons. What more proof do you need?"  
"I think she's telling the truth, Robin! We should invite her in and let her tell her story." Starfire said, smiling widely.  
Robin frowned and shrugged. "Fine. Follow us." He turned and walked past the others, and walked down a panel of stairs.  
"Man, Robin's being cold tonight." Cyborg muttered. "He must really not like you. Sorry about that!" He grinned and extended a huge hand to the approaching Britney. Britney shook it, looking quite confused. "Whoa! Strong grip you got there. Not human, are you?"  
"I'm a Slayer, like I said." Britney confirmed, letting the four lead her down the stairs.  
"Oh, right.. Awesome!" Cyborg gave her a big thumbs up.

"How would they know what a slayer is?" The Ninja asked curiously.

"I'm a Slayer, like I said." Britney confirmed, letting the four lead her down the stairs.  
"A Slayer? What's that?" Beast boy asked, climbing up on Cyborg, who swatted him off as they walked down the hallway.  
Surprisingly, it was Raven who spoke. "A human imbued with the genetic potential to become many times stronger and faster then a normal human due to demonic influence a few thousand years ago." She pulled her hood down, revealing her purple hair. Britney nodded, but stared at her in an amused sort of wonder.  
"Whoa! That's so cool!" Starfire squealed.

"Wait, so she gets her powers from -demons?" The Ninja asked curiously.

"Wait, did you say she gets her powers from demons?" Beast boy asked, staring at Britney in horror.  
"Actually…" Britney began. "Not really. I got to become a Slayer through magic, anyways, so it's fresh in my blood. Do I look like a demon to you?" She grinned.  
"No! Of course not!" Cyborg and Beast boy waved their hands in unison, laughing and sweat-dropping.  
"How did you know what a Slayer is anyways.? And what are -your- names, come to think of it?" Britney asked, resting her hands behind her head. They came to a stop before a door.  
"Oh! Sorry." Cyborg said. "I'm Cyborg.. " He grinned. "Green boy there is Beast boy, he can turn into just about any animal alive." Beast boy stuck a pose.  
"Even if they're extinct! Pterodactyls are my personal favorite." Beast boy said with a smile.  
"I'm Starfire! Pleased to meet you." Starfire said with much delight.  
"And I'm Raven.. And I know what you are because I have much knowledge of extra dimensional worlds." Raven murmured, walking through the door, which opened for them.  
"Sounds.. Interesting?" Britney said as they walked into the room, which appeared to be a huge den with a kitchen on the side. The four moved to the kitchen; Robin was in the den playing some fighting game on a huge screen.  
"So tell us your story," Raven began.

"What's up with Robin?"

"Sounds.. Interesting?" Britney said as they strode into the room, which appeared to be a huge den with a kitchen on the side. The den was filled with a couch and a tremendous screen.. And a game console in front of it. The four moved to the kitchen; Robin was in the den playing some fighting game on the huge screen, muttering loudly to himself.  
Cyborg scoffed at Robin. "Ignore him. He's been moody of late. I think he's brooding over something."  
"Yeah. He hardly ever hangs out with us anymore and he's getting way too involved in the fighting." Beast boy added on, folding his arms and pretending to be extremely serious in a mimicry of Robin.  
"I'm curious how you got here, though.." Raven said, sitting on a stool.  
"Yes! Do tell us your story. We'd love to listen." Starfire said cheerily, moving around the kitchen with great speed, making a meal. Cyborg and Beast boy sat on either side of Raven, looking at Britney.

"Well, alright…" and so Britney began her story of vampires, slayers, and hell mouths.

"Not a bad introduction." The Ninja remarked. "Could use some work, but it's better then straight out porn. Good job, Woot." He patted the eyeball stem.  
"Shut up.." Woot tapped his tendrils together again. "Ooh, I know what I can do. Starfire has a twin, right? Darkfire! Heheh.." He grinned saliently and wiggled his tendrils.  
"Right. I'll leave you to that. I'll check back in a while."  
"Right, right.." Woot brushed a tentacle over his shoulder as the Ninja got up from the chair and set it beside the desk, walking out the door.  
"Heheh.. Plans indeed.." Woot muttered to himself.


End file.
